Crossfit's Open is over and I finished my first open ever. Some of the very things that I teach my 5th graders about reading and life are appropriate to all of us...I mean, really appropriate. Just like tribal dancing, I have a list of things I need to hone, things I want to learn, inspiration for choreography and material tucked away in the back of the head. Same holds true for CF. A growing list of skills to learn and improve, skills to hone, things to practice, and new things to hunt for and absorb.
It's all about strategies we use every day. Today, during our Team Workout, I was super excited. We climbed ropes (of course, I'll only miss this if I absolutely CAN'T make it that day) and did box jumps (I'm thinking my legs are pretty tired from the previous day's heavy deadlifts and our fabulous belly dancing show subsequently). There was an Indian run (which I've forged an attitude of oh-crap about since it's a lot like Brazillians from soccer college days) and 200 m. relays (again, not my favorite). Best of all, a truck push. Yes, a truck push. Just like the 70s and 80s and our brother, boyfriend, even father's car/truck/tank. The decades of push-starting.
One of the worst strategies I see and hear almost every day--not just from my special ed kids who have NOT been successful--but from adults my age is negative self-talk. Since I started crossfit way back in November and went paleo, I have made a point of listening to my negative self-talk. Not trying to do away with it, although that would be optimal...just listening to it. In these five months, I've even learned that there are categories of negative self-talk (I'm sure there's a thesis out there with names). For example, there's my hungry negative self-talk: I fucking can't take this anymore. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning. I mean, really? Anyone who knows me knows I can't clean and most of the time I'm a great cook. I even enjoy cooking...but when I'm hungry, you better get me food. There's the That-Time-Of-The-Month negative self-talk (and without fail, this happens every moon cycle): I'm so fat. I noticed this the most, so that's when I tried to figure out, "Why?" Why do I do this? Why does this pop into my mind? Why do I believe this?
And then there's the "I'm afraid of" negative self-talk, which brings me back to the classroom, to life, to crossfit, to the Open. I hear people say, "I can't do that." Just a blanket statement. That's not necessarily unrealistic. There are things we simply can't do. I can't bench press 250 pounds and I probably never will.
I can't translate the Eddas and the Sagas because I don't know the language (presently). I can't have babies (because I'm fixed :)). None of these things tell me I suck. They are just things I can't do.
Still, often times, people can't do things because they are afraid. It's awesome when someone shares that fear because they get it out in the open. They give a name to it. I feel like this is critical. And most people respond by, "You can do this!" (hopefully, we are all hanging around positive people). Most fears are irrational. Like snakes. Like intimate relationships. Like breaking routine. Like tackling a new skill. Yet, they are what make us human.
Since starting CF, I make a point of tackling what I am afraid of. I mean, really tackling it. This is totally different than scaling. Totally different than modifying. I mean, if I don't know something, I try to learn the most I can about it, and give my best shot. And I come back for more, even though I hear the negative self-talk burbling up...I'm so sore. I'm too tired. I've got to go to the grocery store. I suck at move x. I'm not feeling strong today. I feel fat in my shorty shorts. My hands are blistered and hurt. There is no end to what I hear in my head, and probably no end to what other people hear in their head, too. In the past, I allowed it to be heard, but now I filter it. I try not to react to it. I try not to let it be the deciding factor on why I'm going to do something, although it might alter my how I'm going to do something. For instance, I'm going to tape my hands because the blisters hurt (theystill hurt if I don't go, too) and I'm going to modify my grip. I'm always tired and sore (that happens when you are older than 40)...suck it up. I'd still be sore and tired if I didn't go.
Negative self-talk and fears stop us from trying and doing our best and sometimes stop us from trying at all. Giving in is giving up to potential. Most of us, me included, listen to our negative talk more than we listen to our bodies or we would all be eating cleanly and appropriately for how we feel AND exercising every day. Every workout is an opportunity to learn something. Every day is like that, too. The inner voice that guides us should always be present, but hopefully the one that says, "You can do this" or "Why am I feeling this way" or "How can I do this better" will prevail.
I'm very glad the Open is over because now I can rest, get stronger, make a new plan, and learn. I'll have a bigger arsenal of skills and experiences to do the next one. And, most of all, I get to have fun and push more trucks and climb more ropes. Life is good.
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