The Lose-Weight Mentality

So, I got on the scale this morning.  I knew what I weighed, even after the holidays and even though I eat when I'm hungry (she says while licking her fingers after having a lambchop)--Fred says, "128."  A chiropractor running posture analyses at The Vitamin Shoppe says, "130."  I knew it.  132.  I'm fine with that.  In fact, I'm more than fine.  It is not just a comfortable weight.  More importantly, I feel good.  Even with the small aches of a ribhead healing and my flare-ups related to the PF, I feel strong and able to modify for my injuries.   I like feeling hungry and eating.  That's good and it is not the lose-weight mentality I've had for nearly 4 years now.  Seriously, 4 years of watching, counting, planning, logging, tweaking, depriving, bemoaning, and preaching.  I feel good.  Dang it.   I like meat--good cuts of meat and I like veggies.  I can go without bread and sugar.  Occasionally, I will have something sweet and terrible, but that is occasionally.

It occurred to me that I have been stuck in the lose-weight mentality for awhile now, even to the point where it wasn't going to happen.  So, I was disappointed there was no change or that the scale was going up.  Well, yeah...because I'm lifting weights, heavy weights and I'm not eating 1400-1800 calories a day.  In fact, I have no idea how much I'm eating.  I just know I'm eating.  And when I work out, it's short and sweet and I go by how I feel or what I am avoiding because it sucks.  That means I probably need to address it.  And I'm practicing and doing the things I avoid because I suck at them, too.  And I feel alive because of it.  Really alive.

And, I like CFMD because I feel at home there.  People want to be there, and they work hard when they are there, and they support and cheer for each other.  Personal triumphs become group triumphs and no one ever has a bad workout, just a workout that is more challenging.  And we can all say, "I did that" and "we did that."  That's cool.  That's really, really cool.  I walk out glad I went in, even though I think when I go in, I'll be glad to walk out (because some things are THAT hard).

There's no room for the LWM in my life.  Right now, I feel unfettered and disciplined; focused and open; strong and hungry.  Hungry for everything that working out and eating well entails.